June 2010
10 posts
This Blog Is Moving!
I’ve decided to join the 21st century and launch a real actual website, so check out ShallonOnline.com, your official home for all things me!
I’ll be posting exclusive video blogs, booze-fueled diary entries and pics from all the dorky chic things I do!
The Buried Boy
Downtown Grrrrls
Night out at Boudoir in LA starring me, Nikki, The Situation, Pauly D, Mark Salling from Glee and Nikki’s explosive rage after The Situation kick us off our table…
HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO YOUR MTV SIBLINGS, THE SITUATION??! Unreal.
WatchOhhh SNAP! Nikki and I chat with Christian Siriano at the MTV Movie Awards red carpet! We felt very fancy and important.
That’s right Zac Efron. I’M COMING FOR YOU. (sorry in advance Vanessa Hudgens. your boy is toast)
Rise & Fall
4:45 am. En route to the airport, heading to LA for the MTV Movie Awards. Not too awesome to be leaving the house when most people are still coming home from Tenjune. There’s nothing I hate more than sunrise. It creeps me the fck out.
Believe Me, I'm Trying.
You’re a giant loser and I’m going to crush you. One day you’ll thank me for putting you out of your misery. Or maybe you won’t, I really don’t fcking care.
WatchCheck out this rad deleted scene from last night’s episode of Downtown Girls where @nikkilaura and I discuss dudes who can’t make plans! #mtvdowntowngirls
WatchBehold my interview with ABC News Now, starring me…and the ugly stick I seemed to have been beaten with. Sweet JESUS! How can I be so funny and sharp…and look like that? Terrifying.
May 2010
31 posts
Sail Away
I’m stressed and tired and would normally self-medicate with food but I feel like Jessica Simpson so I went to Borders and bought myself a Nantucket magazine. I’ve never even been to Nantucket.
But it has pictures of sea shells and pretty colors and is feeding me in a very different way.
On The Regs
Woohooo! My OC Register interview is up! It ran on the front page of the Arts and Entertainment section and I think it turned out really well…except for the part where he says I didn’t drink til I was 21…um, false dude. I don’t know what you think you heard me say, but that DEFINITELY wasn’t it.
Thanks to Gurj for the lurrrvely quote!
Zine Queen
On the train to Manhasset, resisting the urge to point out to people reading tabloids that I’m in most of them.
Never did, so maybe that's why
You know, you have to know, that everything I’m doing is for you. The true north. The oklahoma, drivin cross the prairie. On every highway, just beyond the high beams. In albequerque, waitin out a blizzard. In carolinza, barefoot on the beaches.
Law & Over
I just watched the final episode of Law & Order.
I cried. Hard.
Crushable
My a-mazing Hot Mess co-author, Julie Kraut, writes for Crushable.com and interviewed me for the site, and I gotta say, she’s probably the best interviewer I’ve ever encountered.
I thought she was going to give me easy, softball questions, but that bitch made me think and form sentences. How DARE she! But the result was a kick ass interview, check out...
We Got Issues
!! Mama was with me when we got the In Touch weekly that I’m in! Many many copies of the issue! Also, check out TV Guide—yes, it’s still in print—I’m in that one too! Whoop!
WatchZOMG new season of Degrassi! Totally worth the weekly plane trip to Canada to see it.
Ghost Writer
I saw this on PostSecret and gasped, wondering if I’d written it, mailed it in, and somehow forgotten.
I scrolled through my phone the other day hoping to delete some old numbers. I realized that if I put everyone into categories of “Don’t Answer” “Annoying” and “I Want Him Back”, I’d have maybe 5 leftover people I could call.
Pillow (s)talk
I still arrange them
in the shape of your body.
Email I Am Considering Sending After A Boy Pissed...
Dear Sir,I am writing you from Fustercluck and Klein Legal Partners on behalf of our client, Shallon Lester. It has come to our attention that you no longer deemed neither fit nor responsible to posess Ms. Lester’s phone number and/or email address, and such items must be deleted and/or removed immediately from all communication devices (including but not limited to: Facebook, email,...
Tit for Tat
Today I’ve told myself that if I sit and write for 3 hours, I’ll reward myself with a new push up bra. I hate bra shopping.
Southern Voice
Ever since I can remember, I’ve known that I was…different. Southern. I always felt like a country girl trapped in a Californian body. Even my mom notices.
“It’s weird Shallon,” she said while I was home. “You love iced tea and humidity and sassing and rodeo and are unusually good at making pies. You use odd phrases like ‘you can put kittens in the oven,...
Presents and Future
Today, thanks to some photoshop and true friendship, my darling friend Stormnado gave me the best gift I’ve recieved in a loooong time…
I think it’s pretty realistic. I mean have you seen who they give Hollywood stars to these days? Bugs Bunny? Destiny’s Child? Godzilla?! I mean jesus I’m pretty sure the Zachy Farms chickens have stars by...
I'm going home and I'm eating chicken.
I don’t know why they say rejection stings, when it clearly prickles. It turns you into some feathered prehistoric beast, bristling in every fibre. The entire world sees your rejection, every ruffle of the breeze reinforces it, and you can’t get further enough away. Not behind your door. Not under your cover. Not beneath the Xanax. It will find you.
Order the hors d'oeurves, views of the water
There is not a single night when I don’t look into those glowing midtown windows, full of happy people and golden smiles, and hope to see your sandy face smiling back at me.
Paper Doll →
Check out my BFFFFF Christine Huang in the newest issue of Paper magazine, where they profiled her for being a tech-saavy tastemaker and awesome in general.
And as a bonus, she looks RADIANT! Go Chrissy go!
The Light Behind Your Eyes
I can feel you changing. You’re growing up from the soft little one I used to know. I can hear the gentle hum of your voice turning into a low growl, deep and menacing, where once it was like a whisp of smoke curling around my ear.
I miss you, and I’m not sure who you’re becoming. I don’t know who I’m becoming either. I can only hope that when both our cars...
Evil/E Vill
This bar should be called Everyone Check Your Phone To Avoid Dealing With Reality bc that’s just about the situation.
WatchBikini season has arrived, so if you need some help jumpstarting a bulimia-based weight loss plan, this new Miley Cyrus video should help. Dreadful.
You're A Daisy If You Do
Thank you, 24 hour fitness, for having Tombstone on and thus making an hour on the tredmill bearable. God I wish I could find a man like Doc Holliday.
1 tag
Disturbia
One thing I love about coming home is reading the Irvine World News’s crime blotter. My pristine towns’ definition of criminal activity is adorable. Behold, the latest miscarriages of justice in the jewel of suburbia (which is Irvine’s official motto, I’m told). These are 100% real… Sunday April 25— Someone took $10 in change from an unlocked car, but left the...
April 2010
9 posts
Lemons, Laundry and Inspiration →
My darling Gamma Phi sister Marcie interviewed me on her adorable blog, Lemons and Laundry, for her “Women Who Inspire” series. Cheggit!
My Chemical (Peel) Romance
Everytime I come home, I get a chem peel from my aesthetician. Yes, I have an aesthetician. I also have an odd desire to look like this person, Gerard Way:
I go to great and bizarre lengths to pale out my skin—I kind of hate being tan—and I blame Gerard. I love his band so much, I want to wake up looking like him. Well, actually I want to wake up next to him...
Bubble Dreams
Just stumbled across this photo for our show on Variety.com. They wrote an article about the show…and spelled my name wrong.
Are these the sorts of problems that fame will bring? Jesus, first my name is wrong what’s next? My latte is too hot? Catering brings the wrong kind of moisty naps for my hands after serving me barbeque?! MY LIFE IS SO HARD!
Rude Girl
Today in the car with my mom, I made the mistake of turning up Rihanna’s “Rude Boy” when it came on.
“Oh god Shallon, not this!” my mom cringed.
“What? I like it!”
“You like these lyrics? There so vulgar!” she said, but I’d never really bothered to listen to them. To illustrate her point, my mom oh-so-helpfully sang all of the lyrics...
Tea'ing Off
It’s my favorite time of year (no, the annual cheese sale at Food Emporium) (no, not the football tryouts at the high school near my apartment)…
SUN TEA SEASON!
Or, as my dear lovely BFF Stacy London says, “Uck, it’s like dirty chunky water, Shallon. I don’t know how you can drink that.”
Um, have you seen the guys I date? Dirty and chunky is my...
An Open Letter to my Spin Instructor
Hello, it’s me, the girl wheezing on her bike, sweating like a virign at a prison rodeo.
Please, I beg you, enough with the 45 straight minutes of Linkin Park. And the cool down to “Arms Wide Open” by Creed? What, was Hitler’s 1939 speech against the Jews not available for purchase on iTunes? Because I’d rather listen to that.
Spinning is bad enough. Your...
WatchSNAP! The trailer for the show has arrived, at long long last! I feel like I’ve been pregnant with this thing for nearly 3 years. I mean, I’ve certainly been eating for 2 this entire time, and I’ve developed an affinity for elastic waist pants.
Anyway. Check out the official commercial for the show. FREAKING OUT.
The Lover, The Dreamers and Me
Can’t remember the last time I saw one of these that wasn’t associated with a bar named Rawhide or Boys Town.
